Dram BIG!!! Is that really so bad? Why do some people put those big dreams down? I mean, is there anything really that is impossible to do or accomplish?
Dream BIG. That has always been my "problem". Other people saw it as a problem, not me though. I've always been called a dreamer, even when I was just a little tiny girl. My mom told me once, when I was four I saw a picture on TV and I told her: "Mommy, I want to live there". It was Japan. Growing up, all I ever did was read books and carry a notebook with me so I could write my stories and poems in. I had a whole collection of "Notebooks" all over the house...
Then I grew up, got married, and had children... FORGOT all the things that mattered to me over time. I woke up one day not knowing who the heck I was. I didn't like the person I have become. I would look in the mirror and I didn’t even know who this woman was staring back at me with those big sad eyes...
One day I went to buy shoes... and everything changed for me. lol. I met this wonderful person, so full of life and just plain awesome. He was just like me I thought. He liked the same things in life; he did some of the things I always wanted to try. We got along tremendously and he made me realize that he was everything I didn't even know I wanted, but most importantly, he was just like me, and he was AWESOME.
He made me think... a lot. I felt I knew him all my life and then I realized he WAS what I always wanted to be. Needless to say, it made me realize what i needed to change and do to get there. Without going into much detail he made me realize that just like him I was AWESOME too.
I guess I don’t fall into the category of “normal” people. I was told many times by many different people that I should be playing with other kids, or when I got a little older, to stop dreaming and join the real world. The world where, unless you have an 8-5 job that pays your bills, really doesn’t count. Who is anybody out there to tell me, or anyone else for that matter, what we can and cannot do?
I have changed the things that didn't work for me any longer, still working on some other things. This year is ALL about ME, and not in a selfish way. I am finally writing my first novel that I am going to publish. I have unlimited monthly pass to a Yoga studio in town. My friend and I are going at least three times a week. I also did a belly dancing class, always wanted to try it and I can tell you I had a blast. I purchased things that are meaningful to me, things that make ME happy. I try to remember to meditate each day, even if it’s just for ten minutes at the time. I walk each day about seven miles. Just yesterday I took on two new challenges; Run 5K in 8 weeks and 100 push-ups in six weeks. I can do this, I know I can. I have also learned something new about relationships. Never go into one with any expectations and definitely do not punish someone new for the old mistakes and pain someone else has caused you.
So, I suppose I’m gonna go on being a dreamer and trying to accomplish all my dreams. I am slowly getting myself back and yes it is hard, but it is the best feeling in the world to feel that you’re actually doing something you’ve always wanted to do. Dreams do come true as long as you're willing to do something about it. Have a blessed day everyone, and keep on dreaming.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
It's Saturday night, I'm sitting in the house and thinking of writing a story, but I have to be inspired to do it... Anyway, lately someone special has been on my mind, his name is everywhere I look. I can assure you this is not a good thing if you're trying to forget. Since I believe in signs, I keep asking myself, what does this mean? I want to forget, but why does everything remind me of him? I mean little things, in two of my classes there is a guy with his name, every single movie I have watched recently his name is in the credits, I saw someone wearing the same shoes, shorts, I also met someone who actually looks a lot like him.... What are these signs trying to tell me??? Couple of days ago I took the long drive home from school and while I was waiting to cross the street there were like 10 cars turning, so I waited, didn't pay attention at all until I had this feeling in my stomach that made me look up... And there he was, turning. He looked too, our eyes locked on each other and I followed him turn and vanish from my view. I thought to myself, why and how? He doesn't even live in the same city any longer, he couldn't have recognized me... I have short hair now and I had these huge sun glasses on, so there is no way he could know... but he looked, and I have a feeling that he knew it was me. We got along tremendously, we were good friends, maybe more for a short time, but due to many circumstances we couldn't be together and he choose not to talk to me. That's the part that hurts the most. Many of those things that were in our way are gone now, and I still wonder what if??? I don't want to wonder any longer, he knows how to find me, but he chooses not to. When I met him all I wanted was to buy pair of shoes, but now all I want is to forgive, forget and go on... I just want to learn to let go...