Gratitude

Somehow I've lost track of time with this whole blogging thing. Yes, I know it's not the first time this has happened, but I've been thinking a lot on getting back to it since I actually love to write. Not to go into all the reasons why I fell off of radar I'd like to write a little piece on gratitude. You could say that I have had many life lessons lately and they all tie into one huge lesson under the same umbrella. Yes you guessed it: GRATITUDE.


I could go on and on, on gratitude, but I will try to contain my post to a readable and somewhat enjoyable little piece. Lol.

I  try to remember to be grateful ALL the time, even on a bad day. Not long ago there was a time when someone would ask me to make a list of what I was grateful for and I would put

1. My beautiful kids.

2. ....

That was the extent of my list. For the life of me I couldn't come up with anything else to be grateful for. I was very unhappy and of course everything around me was NOT what I wanted it to be. I felt lost and I had no control over anything. (Here is a little clue, to believe you have control over anything is pure illusion). I was just existing in time. Not exactly living, just existing. During this difficult time for me I realized I was blessed to have some amazing friends, who stood there by me, guided me, held my hand, provided a shoulder to cry on and on so many days just let me be, which all led to a huge realization that no matter what is going on in your life THERE IS ALWAYS SOMETHING TO BE GRATEFUL FOR. ALWAYS! During that time of growth I came across this little piece of paper that said:

Today I am so grateful that

I saw............................................

I heard.........................................

I tasted........................................

I smelled.....................................

I touched.....................................

I honor my senses. They keep me in the moment and they allow me to remember.

That single little piece of paper was probably the most important thing for me to change my cynical outlook on life few years back. It started with simple I am grateful I was able to see my beautiful kids, or I am grateful I was able to taste my food today.... Some days it was a sunny day, and that was all I had to go on for the time being... BUT in no time everything changed, I found I had so much abundance to be grateful for. This is also one of the most important things I share with others. GRATITUDE. It all starts there. :)

"As for yesterday.... A wise man once said: I am grateful for today, it was great, but I am looking forward to tomorrow, because it's going to be better."

Here is something I had on my facebook status awhile back that can help you get on the gratitude wagon...

You must constantly ask yourself these questions:

Who am I around?

What are they doing to me?

What have they got me reading?

What have they got me saying?

Where do they have me going?

What do they have me thinking?

And most important, what do they have me becoming?

Then ask yourself the big question: Is that okay?

Your life does not get better by chance, it gets better by CHANGE.

I hope at least one of you my dear friends decides to make that change in your life for a better YOU, better LIFE. As for me I am a warrior. I fall, I get hurt, but I always find the strength to get up and go on. It is the only way.

Be well my friends, love and hugs to all...

There is beauty everywhere...

What started as a journal entry about wanting to write and not knowing what to write, has turned into a short story, followed by realization that in essence was this blog's jump start story from beginning. Have I confused you yet? Lol. Keep reading then, I might succeed.

I have been having this huge urge to write, but of course I don't really know what I should write about. Should I write these stories that have been living and growing in my mind? Maybe I should write about things that could inspire others? Or perhaps I should write about my life before and after "Michael"... Either way I look at it I can't decide. Maybe, just maybe, I should start with...

So, I came down by the river, to get some inspiration and to recharge my batteries so to speak. As I sit here on the stairs going down, about ten feet from the river I keep thinking;  It's beautiful here, peaceful, makes me calm and happy.  I love the sound of waves crashing into the rocks beneath the stairs, every time Barge floats down the river toward west side. Or is it south side?  I’m not sure. This is the third or fourth one I’ve seen in the last thirty minutes or so.  Looking up I see two ducks, together they’re swimming down the river too. They seem happy and calm, with no worries in the world, just going down with the flow of the river.

Speaking of the flow; that is definitely something I need to do more.  Just flow with the river, or life’s little (or big) obstacles. Let go of the past and everything that is not for me any longer, people and things that do not resonate with me. Let go of everything and anything that is not for my highest good.  But, I’m telling you, it’s hard. It’s especially hard when it comes to letting go of people who were part of my life for many years…

This river calms me, grounds me and gives me the boost I need to face everyday life. Many times, because of the situation (living arrangements) I’m currently in, I feel guilty leaving home to be here. At the same time, once I’m here I could stay for hours and I have been in the past. Gentle breeze in my hair and on my skin makes me feel one with nature.  Sounds and playfulness of the river takes me back to my own childhood and my favorite place in the world.  Thinking of that place now is making me ask some questions of myself.

Is this my favorite place because I was always happy to be there?

Maybe it’s because I found my first love there?

Or is it because it was my escape from the unfair world I grew up in?

Looking at the gray skies and a little bit of sun peeking through white clouds, reflecting beautifully over tree tops into the movement of the river I realize how much I really love this place too.  At least this part of the area I live in. The way it’s making me feel; happy and content, lets me forget troubles that worry me. Serene and rejuvenated I am ready to face the next day. At least this place gives me inner peace and I get to remind myself once again, no matter where I am in life, on what geographical location, or where on my spiritual journey, there is always something good I can be grateful for. Always. And you CAN too.

 

I suppose this little entry into my journal has turned into revelation after all. These kinds of posts happen to be my favorite to write about and remember…

Dream BIG!!!

Dram BIG!!! Is that really so bad? Why do some people put those big dreams down? I mean, is there anything really that is impossible to do or accomplish?


Dream BIG. That has always been my "problem". Other people saw it as a problem, not me though. I've always been called a dreamer, even when I was just a little tiny girl. My mom told me once, when I was four I saw a picture on TV and I told her: "Mommy, I want to live there". It was Japan. Growing up, all I ever did was read books and carry a notebook with me so I could write my stories and poems in. I had a whole collection of "Notebooks" all over the house...

Then I grew up, got married, and had children... FORGOT all the things that mattered to me over time. I woke up one day not knowing who the heck I was. I didn't like the person I have become. I would look in the mirror and I didn’t even know who this woman was staring back at me with those big sad eyes...

One day I went to buy shoes... and everything changed for me. lol. I met this wonderful person, so full of life and just plain awesome. He was just like me I thought. He liked the same things in life; he did some of the things I always wanted to try. We got along tremendously and he made me realize that he was everything I didn't even know I wanted, but most importantly, he was just like me, and he was AWESOME.

He made me think... a lot. I felt I knew him all my life and then I realized he WAS what I always wanted to be. Needless to say, it made me realize what i needed to change and do to get there. Without going into much detail he made me realize that just like him I was AWESOME too.

I guess I don’t fall into the category of “normal” people. I was told many times by many different people that I should be playing with other kids, or when I got a little older, to stop dreaming and join the real world. The world where, unless you have an 8-5 job that pays your bills, really doesn’t count. Who is anybody out there to tell me, or anyone else for that matter, what we can and cannot do?

I have changed the things that didn't work for me any longer, still working on some other things. This year is ALL about ME, and not in a selfish way. I am finally writing my first novel that I am going to publish. I have unlimited monthly pass to a Yoga studio in town. My friend and I are going at least three times a week. I also did a belly dancing class, always wanted to try it and I can tell you I had a blast. I purchased things that are meaningful to me, things that make ME happy. I try to remember to meditate each day, even if it’s just for ten minutes at the time. I walk each day about seven miles. Just yesterday I took on two new challenges; Run 5K in 8 weeks and 100 push-ups in six weeks. I can do this, I know I can. I have also learned something new about relationships. Never go into one with any expectations and definitely do not punish someone new for the old mistakes and pain someone else has caused you.

So, I suppose I’m gonna go on being a dreamer and trying to accomplish all my dreams. I am slowly getting myself back and yes it is hard, but it is the best feeling in the world to feel that you’re actually doing something you’ve always wanted to do. Dreams do come true as long as you're willing to do something about it. Have a blessed day everyone, and keep on dreaming.

Signs...

It's Saturday night, I'm sitting in the house and thinking of writing a story, but I have to be inspired to do it... Anyway, lately someone special has been on my mind, his name is everywhere I look. I can assure you this is not a good thing if you're trying to forget. Since I believe in signs, I keep asking myself, what does this mean? I want to forget, but why does everything remind me of him? I mean little things, in two of my classes there is a guy with his name, every single movie I have watched recently his name is in the credits, I saw someone wearing the same shoes, shorts, I  also met someone who actually looks a lot like him.... What are these signs trying to tell me??? Couple of days ago I took the long drive home from school and while I was waiting to cross the street there were like 10 cars turning, so I waited, didn't pay attention at all until I had this feeling in my stomach that made me look up... And there he was, turning. He looked too, our eyes locked on each other and I followed him turn and vanish from my view. I thought to myself, why and how? He doesn't even live in the same city any longer, he couldn't have recognized me... I have short hair now and I had these huge sun glasses on, so there is no way he could know... but he looked, and I have a feeling that he knew it was me. We got along tremendously, we were good friends, maybe more for a short time, but due to many circumstances we couldn't be together and he choose not to talk to me. That's the part that hurts the most. Many of those things that were in our way are gone now, and I still wonder what if??? I don't want to wonder any longer, he knows how to find me, but he chooses not to. When I met him all I wanted was to buy pair of shoes, but now all I want is to forgive, forget and go on... I just want to learn to let go...

Kind Words

It amazes me time after time how one single word spoken to me can change the whole outcome of my day.  I mean I can have the "one of those" days when things just don't go very well for me; or I can just feel sort of down and someone special says, or texts, or calls me and tells me something sweet and my whole attitude changes.  The other day I was having a bad day and somewhere in the middle of the day I got simple text that said "Hi Honey".  It made me smile for the rest of the day.  How amazing is that??? Tonight again, I was feeling down so I decided to go out for a run/walk.  While I was walking my phone paused the music and delivered a text that was simple and sweet... But that little text made me smile big, lol. And it made me happy.  So, we should all try to let someone know that we care.  Remember, smile at everybody, strangers too, because that might be the only good thing someone receives all day... Share the joy with everyone you get in touch with.  Knowing that someone cares about you is probably the best thing you can experience in this world.

Btw, the weather here is gorgeous so I have been outside walking and running.  It feels great... And tonight I'm loving you...

Each day is a blessing!!!

Your Breath is a bridge between your Conscious Mind and your Unconscious Mind.

Take a deep breath in and slowly exhale... That is all you need to do. With each breath you take think to yourself It's a Beautiful Day!!! See where that takes you...

It's ALL About Me

Since the beginning of time... well OK, maybe not that long, I have been taking care of everything and anything, taking more and more things on, keeping busy and in the process I have completely lost myself.  So, I figured this year I am taking care of myself.  I don't mean just physically, I have been already doing that.  Everything I do this year I will do with a focus on me.  This year is going to be great, I can feel it. So far, I have cut my "bad cords" and I am so full of energy and just to think of all the possibilities... It truly does feel amazing.  I have joined The Science of the Mind class, only been to one class, but I think it's gonna be cool.  I am so ready to change my stinking thinking, it's been way too long that I have been putting myself down, letting others use me, not believing in myself, saying can't, not thinking I'm worth it... The list goes on and on. Even though my year didn't exactly start the way I want it, it is turning out for better as the days go by.  A lot of new things are happening. I am meeting new people, starting new things and for the first time in my life I feel like I am truly doing things my way.  One other little thing, even though I am not ready to share the details just yet, I have been so happy the last few days and I  have all the intentions on keeping it that way.  Let's just say I am smiling a lot more these days.  Like I said, this year IS all about me...